Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
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Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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