I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
