How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
