You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
