I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
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I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
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There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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