i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
