I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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