I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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