How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
