Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
His nipple licking is glorious
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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