U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
