I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
