I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
