Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Farmville is her only friend.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
