Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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