She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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