The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So much rum. So many feels.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
