I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
