with your own penis?
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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