Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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