i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
