I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
