The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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