Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
