Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dick very happy bro
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize