she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
