Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
this just has baby written all over it
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
