drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
