I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
