Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
