Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
