Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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