On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We need a shit load of segways right now
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
