I just cut my nipple shaving
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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