He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
