I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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