i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
