I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
