sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
