my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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