Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
