End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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