im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
you never un-have a 4some
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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