Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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