what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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