3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize