You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
