Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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