i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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