If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
