These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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