Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
