feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
