Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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