We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
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I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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