the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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