i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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