Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
