I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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