Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
