Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
