I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
