so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
