know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
