He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
