Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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