so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
